It’s that time of year. The weather’s warming up and “Spring Fever” is in full bloom here at school. All the little “kiddos” are beginning their countdowns to summer vacation. (Many of the teachers as well.) It’s also that time of year when I’ll soon be standing in front of fifty or so fourth grade boys filling them in on what’s about to happen to their bodies as they creep closer to “manhood.” Ten years ago, the thought of standing in front of that many kids talking about that kind of stuff totally freaked me out. Now, as a seasoned veteran, I almost look forward to it. Almost.
This year during my little talk, I’ll be debuting a brand new song, created just for this type of occasion. The working title is “The Adolescent Health Song,” sung to the tune of John Fogerty’s “Rock and Roll Girls.” (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=JyPCsQWi7Ow) It’s got a nice steady beat that’s easy to dance to. For all you guitar slingers out there, it’s your basic G-C-D chord pattern throughtout. (I actually play it in D-G-A). Capo accordingly.
Sometimes I stink, ‘cuz I don’t wear deodorant.
It sits on the shelf, still looking like brand new.
Girls scooch away, everybody plugs their nose.
When I come around, even maggots gag.
When I walk in a room, everybody runs to go.
Head straight for the door, away from my B.O.
Speaking of stink, my shoes smell like rotten meat.
They take off and run when they see my feet.
Hey I need a shower. Try to take one every day.
Use soap and shampoo and things will be okay.
Get a clean pair of shorts. Another word for underwear.
Take a brush or a comb and run it through your hair.
Now that I’m clean, and smelling really super sweet.
To be around me would actually be a treat.