Got your attention with that one, didn’t I? Do you realize that corporal punishment is still legal in several states? Yeah, I know. Hard to believe, right? Well, for most teachers it’s illegal to use the “Board of Education” as a means of manipulating student behavior. Though I’m sure at times you’d like to, and there are certainly some kids that need it, it’s just not cool to whack somebody else’s kid. Therefore we must be creative in how we manage students and encourage them to comply with our standards and expectations. The key is to find something that will inconvenience offending students, but might very well be enjoyable for you. I’ve compiled a list of several consequences that, in my opinion, are better than spanking.
- Stories from your own childhood. Always start by saying, “You know when I was a kid, we didn’t have…”
- More standardized testing practice.
- Any filmstrip related to adolescence health and/or puberty. (Beep)
- A twangy country music marathon (That might punish you too, though.)
- Read the entire No Child Left Behind legislation as a read aloud.
- Cursive worksheets stapled into an enormous packet. Back to back!!!
- Old, grainy black and white TV reruns (Think Honeymooners era)
- Invite the superintendent for a visit to share the minutes from the last board meeting. If that doesn’t work, threaten to send any unruly students to your next in-service. That’ll teach ‘em. (If they think you’re boring, wait ‘til they spend the whole day at an in-service.)
And if none of the above suggestions work, bring in a karaoke machine. You, however, are the only one allowed to sing. (Might I suggest singing “Islands in the Stream” as a duet with one of your teaching partners down the hall?)